New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
