there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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