you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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