The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
