Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
