i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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