I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
