you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
