Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
