Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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