so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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