then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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