if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
