a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't put those talents on a resume
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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