I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
