i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
