I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
