Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The Olympian is in my bed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
