im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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