So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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