The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have aggressive nipples.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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