I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
