someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
