i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
