So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
