so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
