I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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