i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
