My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
