We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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