O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
