dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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