Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
