he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
