we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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