so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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