I'm so fucking centered right now
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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