I wish my penis had an off switch
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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