ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
