Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just pee around me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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