i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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