people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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