I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
