just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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