Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
