the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
