found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
