i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I want to fling myself into the sun
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
