I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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