I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
