i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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